


there's no point in speaking as long as i'm in front of you

by yangculture



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Headcanon, Liu Yang Yang-centric, featuring wayv pets ofc!, just winyang being soft, wayv family, winyang deserves so much better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27741316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yangculture/pseuds/yangculture
Summary: an exclusive first look at the music video goes awry and wayv does what they do best, the youngest sneaking away into the comforts of one particular person
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin & Liu Yang Yang
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	there's no point in speaking as long as i'm in front of you

**Author's Note:**

> this is simply my idea of what probably happened when they watched 90s love for the first time. also, winwin and yangyang gets portrayed to the extremes in most fics i've read, so i thought a different side to them is what everyone needs to see
> 
> title is from phobia by stray kids

Yangyang isn't that vocal with his emotions, so when WayV sat down and watched 90s Love as a group, he cheered at the right moments. He flashed grins whenever Kun pointed something out excitedly, laughed when Guanheng dissed the CGI saying K/DA did it better, and whooped when Dejun screamed in appreciation. Yukhei cheered the loudest whenever they showed up, nearly knocking off Bella who was perched on his lap.

Yukheis' energy was infectious. It nearly eased the dull ache in his chest whenever he waited for himself to show up longer than 5 seconds on screen, but then he snuck a glance at Winwin and noticed the tightness around his eyes, the too stiff smile, the slightly forced laugh and Yangyang's heart climbed his throat, almost suffocating him.

All of them cheered so loud during Ten's high note to the point that even Leon and Louis came out to see the source of the noise, staring curiously as they got picked up by Kun and Ten as the others celebrated. Yangyang did great, Winwin did great, they looked the cutest with their controllers infront of the old school gaming console, and Ten delivered flawlessly, getting so many parts. Yangyang's smile felt strained as he clapped and cheered while the others celebrated for them, eyes starting to sting from hurt because he waited so long to see himself. He knows he looked good and he did what he could, going home past midnight every night with an exhaustion that seeped deep into his bones. He practiced for days, almost nonstop and losing hours of sleep, only to watch himself and get almost. Nothing. 

So he smiled, and whooped, and cheered as the others did, the sharp sting of disappointment keeping him in his seat. Winwin did the same, cheering as loudly as the others did, although it sounded too high, too tight in Yangyang's ears. Bella, whom Yukhei left on the sofa to hug Ten, looked at him by then, something indecipherable in her eyes. Maybe she knew.

They were proud of them, most of all Ten, but Winwin had excused himself by then, saying he was tired, and for a moment Yangyang hated him, forcing himself to hang back as he consoled Ten who looked visibly upset. It's not your fault, Yangyang says to Ten. You did so well. If anyone in this room deserves to shine the brightest, it's you, and Yangyang's breath almost catches in his throat at the memory of Winwin coming home to the dorms later than he ever did.

It was always around past three in the morning when he tiptoed to the kitchen, unable to sleep, when he sees Winwin leaning heavily against the countertops, eyes blank as the hum of the microwave echoes in the kitchen. Pt. 1 promos just ended and their photoshoots were done, giving the rest of the free members time to care for the house. Kun always saves a portion of dinner each for him, Winwin and Ten every night they came home late, a cute smiley sticky-note on the fridge telling them they did well today, just reheat the food and try to keep the noise down, would they? and that his doors are always open in case they need anything, even in the dead of night.

Yangyang would stay hidden behind the doorway, tired eyes taking in the elder's thin cheeks, crumpled practice clothes, downcast eyes and bird's nest of a hairstyle, looking as if two hands had been run through them in frustration.

He would always call for Winwin in a small voice, the older's blank gaze always sharpening before falling on him, as if Yangyang disturbed something important. They would soften immediately, defaulting to a level of exhaustion Yangyang knows he never shows on camera and would nod to him in acknowledgement, Yangyang then working around the kitchen quietly, making a hot chocolate for himself as he eyes the older in the corner of his eyes. 

They never said anything even when they sat infront of each other, Yangyang nursing his cup while Winwin wolfed down food like a starved man, which, to be fair, he probably did. They only ever had time to eat full meals at home these days. 

Winwin would avoid eye contact and Yangyang would do the same. They've been around too many people every day. There were personas to follow, commands to do and members to humor. Someone always seemed to need something, like the makeup staff that made him stand still as she retouched their makeup for the seventh time, the older boys striking up a conversation with them, the newer members who asked for help with Korean and tips on how to act in front of the camera because they were nervous around the other more experienced boys. There was always a role to fill and Yangyang was drained. Happy, but drained.

So they sit and eat, breathing in each other's space to the staccato tick-tock of the wall clock in the kitchen. It was quiet. It was comfortable. It was the closest he'd ever felt to Winwin.

Ten hugs him hard, snapping Yangyang out the trip off memory lane, and Ten tells him thank you, I'm happy, but that his heart aches for them too. He and Winwin deserved better than this, he says. 

The others gave him a pained smile, empathetic, and Yangyang feels his heart clench as Kun gathers him into his arms and whispers soft words of support in his ears. Whatever celebratory mood earlier was gone, an air of resignation and defeat in the air. Yukhei had his palm on his lower back, warm and heavy and reassuring, while Dejun cradled Bella in his arms as she whimpered, probably sensing something was wrong. Guanheng had the same look in his eyes as Dejun. He gets it. Out of everyone, save a few others in NCT, they understand how this feels. How nothing would change unless the staff themselves made the effort to. Their options are limited.

Whatever damning emotions Yangyang held back the whole night felt like exploding right then and there, the older boy feeling too hot in his arms, but Yangyang tamped it down well enough that when he pulled away, he was able to flash a smile. It was a cracked smile, frayed by the edges, and he thinks he heard Kun's heart crack when the older finally pulled away to look.

I'm gonna look for him, Yangyang says, giving them a consoling smile when they looked at him worriedly as he walked away, slipping past Yukhei who looked like he was going to pull him into a hug too, but Yangyang didn't want that. Not here, not now.

The wall felt too hard against his back as when almost fell against it, hot tears streaming down his cheeks as he unlocked his phone with shaky hands. His tears only seemed to grow in volume as he watched the only video the staff allowed him to take during filming, of him and Winwin trying every possible expression as they played in front of the camera. 

He loves NCT, even the ones he wasn't close to yet. The older boys' support, both Taeil's strong yet quiet presence in contrast to the blanket of affection 95z gave; the childish dynamics of 96z in contrast to 97z who seem to have their own little world when together and Jungwoo hyung who's somehow stuck in between; Mark trying to get close to Dejun and Guanheng with Yukhei being their bridge; Yangyang's own agemates in Dream who tried their hardest to make sure he and Shotaro never feel left out; and the maknaes, who Yangyang feels surreal to have after being the youngest for so long. He was excited. He was tired every day, but he was excited.

And yet, for all their awkward and kindhearted attempts to get close to him, he still finds comfort in the cramped living space he comes back to every night, of six specific other boys who would nag him to pack his own luggage, spend hours under the heat of a sweltering sun and do farmwork with, dance to girl groups and even crossdress just for the heck of it, their three pets always ready to welcome them home.

He thinks of his quieter, more reserved hyung. His heart had grown light when the staff told him Winwin and him would film together, a twinkle in the older's eyes when Yangyang told him. It was the best day.

The video was short, just him and his hyung striking a pose every few seconds while pretending to be invested in their game. Winwin's joy was palpable. Yangyang was glad he had another person to rely on that day aside from Ten.

His insides prickled with anger and hurt, not at the other members, but with the staff. How they never seemed to care.  
The house was quiet, a low murmur sounding from the living room. They never tried to follow him or Winwin, most likely sensing they wanted to be alone, and for that he was grateful.

He sounded gutted when he knocked on Winwin's door, breathless as he breathed out a quiet, "Winwin hyung," through the wood. Winwin usually kept to himself in times like this, preferring to go through them alone, but then the knob was turning and the door was opening and Winwin was eyeing him silently in the doorway, calculating, before opening the door a little wider, telling him to come in. The relief he felt nearly knocked him off his feet.

The door closed softly with a click. The bedroom was shrouded in darkness, curtains wide open to let the moonlight in, and for a moment neither of them said anything, listening intently to the silence. Winwin's eyes were blank, staring out the window, but the way his jaw clenched a little tighter and his eyes forcefully shut, Yangyang just knew.  
So Yangyang sat a little closer, breathed a little deeper, and Winwin looked at him then, eyes questioning, when Yangyang asked if he could hug him.

Winwin took a while to reply, staring at him with those sharp eyes, and Yangyang didn't mind when he tells him no, he didn't want hugs. He'd rather not right now, and Yangyang understand that. 

He was about to move back to his side of the bed, certain he read the situation wrong, when Winwin tells him in a quietly that he'd rather have something small right now, like holding hands, and Yangyang hesitates. 

See, he thinks Winwin as a cat, never one to willingly get smothered in affection, but then Winwin rolls his eyes and offers his hand to him, as if hurrying him to take it, and the warmth of his palm on his eased the ache in Yangyang's heart.

Somehow, he ended up pressed against Winwin's side, absentmindedly tracing small patterns on the back of the older's hand, his fingers, and over his palm. He can't recall when he had rested his head on Winwin's shoulder, the older softly caressing his hair, but Winwin hadn't objected like he thought he would. All the frustration coupled with the tears that spilled the entire time since earlier all faded away.

Neither said anything. Neither had to. Just them and silence, the moon as their witness, as two boys consoled each other through the night and for a moment, all was well in the world.

It felt like hours until they're finally broken apart, Yangyang checking his phone only to find that it was barely a few minutes. He was shocked to find Winwin's sleeve dark with his own salty tears but he didn't seem to mind, asking him if he feels better and not to worry about him, and that he should probably go since Yukhei was already knocking to tell them he needs to sleep. All in the same breath.

So Yangyang laughs the dried tears away and Winwin gives his hand a soft squeeze just in time when Yukhei pokes his head past the door, asking if it was okay for him to come in. The mere scene of a floating Yukhei head on the doorway sent both of them into a fit of giggles.

Then Winwin was shooing him out of his room with a laugh and Yangyang laughs too as he heads out, bidding them both goodnight, but their laughs are genuine now, and he feels better when he left the room. 

He's sure Winwin does, too.


End file.
